Last week, we talked about how the word “but” can change a relationship—and be the difference between conflict and communication.
This week, we’re talking about a different three-letter word. This one can change your relationship with yourself, and turn self-deprecation into confidence and resilience.
The word?
Yet.
Small Word. Big Difference.
“Yet” may be one of the smallest words in our vocabulary, but sometimes it can make a pretty big difference.
Consider: “I can’t do this.”
Now add one word: “I can’t do this yet.”
Same struggle.
Same frustration.
Completely different message.
The first sounds like a conclusion. Case closed.
The second leaves the door open.
Limitation vs. Learning
How often do you tell yourself (or others), “I suck at this.”
Maybe you’re learning a new skill. Maybe you’re struggling with something you’ve tried before. Maybe everyone around you seems to have figured it out while you’re still over here wondering why there are seventeen steps to something that looks so easy.
“I can’t do this.” says, “I’m not capable.”
“I can’t do this yet.” says “I’m still learning.”
It’s a small shift, but it matters.
Confidence doesn’t always come from knowing you can do something.
Sometimes it starts with believing that you might be able to learn.
There’s nothing wrong with acknowledging that something is hard — or that you’re currently not very good at it. But when “I suck at this” becomes the story we tell ourselves, we can quickly find ourselves thinking, “I can’t do anything right.” Or, “I’m not good enough.”
When we start applying it to pretty much everything, our self-confidence can go out the window. And that — can make your world small.
Adding “yet” changes the focus from who you are to where you are right now.
You’re not declaring yourself a failure.
You’re acknowledging that some things are hard and that you’re still learning.
And that’s an important distinction.
Failure is an event.
It doesn’t have to become an identity.
Self-Criticism vs. Self-Confidence
Think about the people we consider to be exceptionally good at something.
Lance Armstrong was once a kid who had to learn how to ride a bike.
Usain Bolt didn’t break world records when he was learning to walk.
And Tom Brady probably didn’t emerge from the womb with a football in his hand.
They had to start somewhere.
They had to practice.
They had to fail.
They had to suck at things.
They had to keep going.
And somewhere along the way, they developed the confidence that came from knowing they could get better.
That’s the thing about confidence: it doesn’t require you to already be good at something.
Confidence is simply believing that your current ability isn’t your final destiny.
“Yet.” — One little word that can make temporary struggle a permanent belief about yourself — or it can make you believe you can do anything.
“Yet” Meets Reality
Okay, maybe you can’t be good at everything.
There are some things that, well… just aren’t gonna happen. There is zero chance I will join the ranks of Lance Armstrong, Usain Bolt, or Tom Brady.
Can I ride a bike? Not since I was a teenager.
Can I run? It depends on what the co-pay is for a knee replacement.
Can I throw a football? I did it once. I broke a window that was nowhere near my target.
I can put “yet” on those things all day long.
That doesn’t make them a reality.
The power of “yet” isn’t about believing you can fly. It’s knowing that you’d need a parachute or a pilot to do it — but you can fly.
Me?
The bike?
It needs to have a motor (and maybe a third wheel) attached to it.
Define “run.”
Errands? Sure.
My mouth? Definitely.
Football?
I’d need to check my homeowners insurance policy.
The power of “yet” is about recognizing when we’ve accidentally turned a current circumstance into a permanent conclusion or identity.
Planting the Seeds of “Yet“
I’ve said it in several of my posts:
“The things we say to our children become their inner-voice.”
The roots of confidence and competence are planted in childhood.
Kids will inevitably say things like
“I can’t do it.”
“I mess everything up.”
“I’m stupid.”
These statements are an opportunity to help them separate struggling with something from believing something is wrong with them.
Our instinct may be to respond with “Yes, you can!” But that can dismiss their experience and feelings of frustration.
Instead:
“Let’s try again. Maybe some practice will help.”
“Do you need some help?”
“Let’s experiment with doing it a different way.”
We’re acknowledging that it is hard.
And we’re also teaching them something incredibly important:
Difficulty doesn’t mean incapable.
They don’t have to be good at something immediately.
They don’t have to get it right the first time.
They can struggle.
They can fail.
They can try again.
They can learn.
And they can discover that “I can’t” doesn’t always mean “I never will.”
Eventually, that voice becomes their own.
The Possibility of “Yet”
“Yet” applies to more than physical or intellectual skills and abilities.
“I’m bad at relationships.”
“I can’t set boundaries.”
“I’ll always be this way.”
Those statements turn an experience — or lack thereof — into an identity.
But what happens when we leave room for something different?
“I’m struggling with communication and emotional intimacy in my current relationship. ”
“I need to practice setting some boundaries.”
“I’m still figuring out who I am.”
None of those statements guarantee that everything will magically change.
They simply leave room for the possibility that where you are right now isn’t the final version of you.
And maybe that’s the real power of yet.
