Whether you’ve been together for three months, three years, or thirty years… relationships can struggle for many reasons. Many couples seek counseling when something “big” happens, or after years of conflict and resentment have built up. Some couples who have been together for a long time may have slowly lost their connection as they have focused on careers or parenting.
Couples counseling can provide a safe space for partners to explore the dynamics of their relationship, resolve conflicts, improve communication, increase emotional intimacy, re-build trust, and strengthen the relationship.
Depending on the complexity of the issues, couples counseling can be a relatively short problem-solving process, or it could be a much more in-depth process. Some couples may benefit from Couples Intensive Therapy, which is a more immersive, distraction-free, counseling experience. This type of therapy can be a great way for couples to quickly gain momentum early in the couples counseling process, or to focus on a specific high-conflict issue that has been difficult to resolve in regular weekly counseling.
Couples Intensive Sessions can be done in a single 8-hour day, or two 6-hour days.
*Full value will be applied to your third session
Discernment counseling is different from traditional couples counseling. Discernment counseling is used when one partner is considering ending the relationship, while the other wants to save it. It is typically a shorter, goal-focused process to gain clarity about the future of the relationship – to stay together as-is, separate, or commit to longer-term couples counseling.
Discernment counseling is a bit more structured than regular couples counseling. The first session is usually 2-3 hours to explore the history of the relationship, and identify the primary issues to be addressed. This is generally followed with individual sessions to explore each persons specific concerns, contributions, feelings, and needs. Subsequent sessions are joint sessions, but may also include some “break out” individual time within the session.
One common misconception is that the counselor is there to tell you what to do with the relationship. Some partners may go into counseling hoping the counselor will convince their partner to stay together. But neither of those are true. The counselor’s role is to provide an unbiased and safe environment for the couple to decide for themselves whether to stay together as-is, separate, and commit to longer-term counseling to try to resolve their issues.
Divorce counseling is for when the decision to end the relationship has already been made, and it’s time for figure out the “next steps.” The primary goal is for both partners to come to the table as “grown ups” to peacefully navigate the divorce process (logistics, finances, property, etc.) and work out any sticking points. Part of the process may also include grieving the relationship together, so each partner walk away with a sense peace, rather than bitterness.
Team Parenting
Children can be deeply affected by divorce. For some, it can cause life-long mental health issues. So, when children are involved, one of the primary goals of divorce counseling is to adjust the co-parenting mindset into one of “team parenting,“ where both parents are able to cooperatively parent the children, regardless of their personal feelings toward each other.
Children of different ages will experience the divorce process quite differently. For example, a child who’s parent separate when they are 5, will be impacted very differently that one who is 10 or 15. With expertise in child development, the counselor can guide parents towards a trauma-informed parenting partnership to minimize the long term effects of divorce on the children. If the children are very young, it can also include long-term parenting plans for when the children get older and their needs change.
Divorce counseling is not:
Cooperative divorce counseling is not mediation. While it may shorten the legal mediation process by coming to agreements on things ahead of time, there is no legally binding components to it.
Cooperative divorce counseling is not legal advice. While the counselor may be knowledgeable about the process, they are not an attorney, and cannot give legal advice.
The goal of divorce counseling is not a legal tool to gather evidence or expert testimony for legal proceedings. In fact, both partners will sign consent forms stating that the counselor is not to be brought into the legal process. Additionally, all clinical records are subject to HIPAA laws, and cannot be shared without either a court subpoena or a HIPAA release form signed by both partners.
